Lissie & Lilly: The NOT Cinderella! (Photostory)
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you and welcome to the L&L Theater! Tonight we bring you a tale saturated in family betrayal, thwarted love, and of course, fictitious magic! Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, the L&L Theater is proud to present: Cinderella (Not)!
Narrator: Once upon a time, in an undisclosed land of no known significance, there lived a gentle and fair maiden who was more adventurous than gentle and more ruddy than fair.
Narrator: She worked hard from dawn til dusk, and then turned on the lights to work late into the night to keep the house clean. The wise maiden did not use candles because cleaning wax was simply not practical.
Narrator: The maiden’s stepmother and two stepsisters lived with her. They were bad. Well. They were at least bossy. Very bossy.
Stepmother Sam: Have you scrubbed the flagstones yet? They’re filthy!
Stepsister MG: And you didn’t polish my mirror properly yesterday! I found a speck on my face this morning!
Stepsister Lilly: And you must… you must… Actually, I’m fine. I don’t need anything.
Narrator: The poor maiden was constantly bullied by her stepmother and stepsisters. Because she was always cleaning, cooking, and doing the dirty jobs around the house like unclogging the plumbing, her clothes soon became patched, faded, and grimy. Her stepmother and stepsisters called her Cinderella in mocking tones. Cinderella preferred to refer to herself as “Her most high and imperial majesty” and ignored her family.
Cinderella did not have any fancy dresses and did not wear jewels. In fact, she didn’t even have a room. Instead her stepmother made her sleep on a rug in the attic. It was unbearably cold in the winter and unbearably hot in the summer. Or if the undisclosed land was in the southern hemisphere, then it was unbearably cold in summer and unbearably hot in winter. But Cinderella bore with it because she was quite simply put, a very sturdy lass.
Narrator: One rather ordinary looking day, the postman delivered a most extraordinary letter.
Stepsister MG: Mother! Sawako Lilly! We just received a letter from the Palace!
Stepmother Sam: Oh my land! The Palace!
Stepsister Lilly: Why is the Palace sending us a letter? Did we forget to pay our taxes?
Stepsister MG: Just open it Mother and tell us!
Stepmother Sam: Oh my goodness! Girls! There’s a ball at the royal palace tonight and we are all invited!
Stepsister MG: A ball? A ball? Oh tell me the Prince is going to be there!
Stepmother Sam: The Prince is going to be there! And to add to that, he’s going to pick his future wife! One of you girls could be the next Queen!
Stepmother Sam: Of course, that doesn’t include you Cinderella.
Stepsister MG: Don’t even think of going and embarrassing us in all your shabbiness.
Stepsister Lilly: But Liss- I mean, Cinderella should come as well mother.
Cinderlisse: Don’t bother Lilly. I don’t want to go to such a silly thing. Imagine, dancing all night! If I wanted to burn that many calories I would take up mountain climbing. Pfff, now if you excuse me!
Stepmother Sam: Hmph! Don’t mind her girls. She’s just jealous! Hurry and go get ready for tonight! A Queen! One of my daughters! Ha!
Stepsister Lilly: Cinderella, are you certain you don’t want to come tonight?
Cinderlissie: I’m positive. I just can’t wait til your mom and sister are gone. Then I’ll have free rein of the house and go wild binging on snacks, watching your mom’s cheesy dramas, and playing croquet with your sister’s new set. It’ll be a blast!
Stepsister Lilly: But you’ll miss your chance dancing with the Prince! And it’s always more fun when you’re around.
Cinderlissie: Fiddlesticks to the Prince. I have no interest marrying a namby-pamby who needs a ball in order to find someone to marry. Does he lack all personality that they have to resort to such underhanded tactics to marry him off? Now if this was a ball to be the captain of his soldiers, that would be a different story.
Stepsister Lilly: Do you… do you really think he might be such a ninny?
Cinderlissie: That’s what I sa –
Cinderlissie: Well, he’s probably not actually a ninny. He’s probably very nice and very good. Any girl who marries him would probably be very happy.
Stepsister Lilly: Really Lis- Cinderella? Do you mean it?
Cinderlissie: Absolutely Lilly! And he’d be a moron of the highest order if he didn’t fall in love with you instantly!
Stepsister Lilly: Oh! Don’t tease Cinderella!
Cinderlissie: I never tease. Mock yes, but tease never! Now hurry up and go get ready or I’ll never have time to get to your mom’s dramas.
Stepmother Sam: Marie-Grace! Sawako Lilly! Are you girls ready? The carriage is outside waiting for us!
Stepsister MG: Almost mother!
Stepsister Lilly: Just a few minutes!
Cinderlissie: And… There! You’re ready!
Stepmother Sam: Hurry hurry! The Prince waits for no one!
Cinderlissie: *mutters* Then he has no manners.
Stepsister Lilly: Oh Mother, can’t Cinderella please come with us tonight? It feels so evil to leave her behind when every other young lady will be there.
Stepmother Sam: Are you mad child? Look at her! How can she go into polite society? She doesn’t even have shoes! Now I won’t have anymore of this nonsense. We’re going to be late!
Stepsister Lilly: Oh dear, you and Marie-Grace go ahead to the carriage. I’ll be out in just a moment! I left something in my room!
Stepsister MG: Be quick Sawako Lilly, or we’ll leave without you! My Prince is waiting for me!
Stepsister Lilly: Since Mother won’t let Cinderella go, it’s up to me to help her. But I can’t let her know it’s me or she’ll definitely refuse. Let’s see, I’ll wear my Halloween costume. And here’s a dress I’ve been saving for a special occasion! It’ll be perfect on Cinderella!
Cinderlissie: Thank the stars, moon, and Pluto, they’re finally gone. Now I can – AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Stepsister Lilly: Cinderella, I am your… um… fairy godmother!
Cinderlissie: I have no fairy godmother! My birth was attended only by myself and my mom!
Stepsister Lilly: Ah… Well… I was… traveling at the time. But that’s of no importance!
Stepsister Lilly: I want you to put on this outfit and attend the ball at the Palace Cinderella!
Cinderlissie: What... is this? Wait, more importantly, WHY?
Stepsister Lilly: Do not question your fairy godmother! Do what I say Cinderella! Change and go to the ball! Do you want to be cursed?
Cinderlissie: But I was going to stay at home, pig out, watch some dramas, play a few rounds of croquet!
Stepsister Lilly: You have been treated unfairly for far too long Cinderella! Go to the ball tonight. Eat, drink, and dance! Enjoy yourself as you deserve!
Cinderlissie: But –
Stepsister Lilly: I must leave now! Listen to your fairy godmother Cinderella! Farewell!
Cinderlissie: Wait! Don’t go yet – Darn, she’s gone. What am I supposed to do with these? How do I put them on? Come back here!
Cinderlissie: Gosh darn it! She could have at least left some instructions! These gloves are so tight, probably only Lilly could fit in them!
Cinderlissie: Whatever! I don’t need these anyway! I have no idea why I’m doing this, but she did say there was food, so at least I’ll still be able to pig out tonight. Drat fairy godmothers who were absent at birth! I can see why she wasn’t invited now. Hmph! I guess I’d better go before she comes back and tells me next I have to marry a Prince.
No author notes until the end of the play! ^_^
Click here to read the second half of The NOT Cinderella!