Lissie & Lilly: Don’t Mention the Unmentionables (Photostory)
Sam: Now I wonder what is in this basket? It was buried in the very back of the closet so it must be something interesting.
Sam: What is this? The whole basket is filled with them but I have never seen such a strange thing before. What is it used for? I suppose if anyone knows, Lissie would.
Lissie: Whatcha got there Samantha? As long as it's dangerous or delicious, I’m game!
Sam: I actually came to you because I did not know if these things are dangerous, though I am rather confident in saying they most certainly are not delicious.
Lissie: Let me see with my Eye of Pseudo Omnipotence!
Sam: Well? Do you know what these things are Lissie?
Lissie: Hmmmm…. Yes, of course! This strange device can be none other than HANDCUFFS!
Sam: Really? Handcuffs?
Lissie: Just look at how restrictive this thing is! What else could it possibly be?
Sam: I do believe you are right Lissie! That does look very confining. Thank you! I will let you return to your adventures.
Lissie: Wait! Come back! …. Wow…. These handcuffs really are…. Cuffing…. Now what do I do?
Sam: Oh Lydia Charlotte!
Lydia: Samantha, you startled me!
Sam: I beg your pardon, I did not expect to find you here.
Lydia: One of the strings on my cello snapped so I came down to find another string. What are you looking for? Do you need any help?
Sam: I was just coming to store this basket of handcuffs since we have no need for them at present.
Lydia: Handcuffs? Why do we even have them in the first place? May I take a look?
Lydia: Now who told you these things were handcuffs? These are exercise stretching belts. See? There is a hole for your arm and a hole for your leg. You use them to help you stretch and increase flexibility.
Sam: I see! That does make sense! What a useful thing indeed! I think I will go give one to everyone so we may all improve our flexibility. Thank you Lydia Charlotte!
Lydia: Hmmmm, this is quite amusing! Hup 1! 2! 3! Hup 1! 2! 3!
Sam: Cecile, I apologize for disturbing your reading, but I wanted to give you one of the exercise stretch belts I found in the closet. Perhaps we can all stretch before bed tonight.
Cecile: Exercise? Quelle bonne idée! What a good idea! Merci Samantha!
Cecile: Attendez! Wait a moment Samantha. This is not an exercise stretch belt, this is un chapeau, a hat. Look, your head goes in the big hole and you pull your hair through the two smaller holes. Ah, perfect!
Sam: Oh my! You look quite stylish indeed Cecile! I see, these are hats. Well, you are from France so you must be aware of the latest fashions. No wonder why these were stored in the closet. Bye Cecile!
Sam: Hello Marie-Grace!
MG: How are you Samantha?
Sam: Is anything the matter? You seem to be a bit down.
MG: Mes cheveux, my hair is just too much! I feel so hot every time I go outside and it tires me out. Ah, but what is this you have brought me? It is such a lovely hair tie.
Sam: Well, actually –
MG: C’est merveilleux! My neck and back feel so cool and breezy! Merci Samantha! You are such a good friend!
Sam: It does look very cute Marie-Grace, and you look so fresh with your hair pulled back! I am glad you like it so much.
Sam: Well! I feel ever more confused now than I did before. Handcuffs, exercise stretch belt, hat, hair tie… Just what is this thing actually supposed to be? Every person I see says something different.
Lilly: Hi Samantha! Why are you up here by yourself?
Sam: Oh hello Sawako Lilly! I was trying to figure out what these things are. Every person I have asked has told me something completely different.
Lilly: Why, what have they said?
Lissie: That these clearly are the most resilient handcuffs to grace this dimension!
Lydia: Rather, these exercise stretch belts are second to none in toning one’s physique.
Cecile: Non mes chers! It is obviously the new, avant-garde style in head fashion!
MG: Oui Cecile, head fashion, but specifically it is pour les cheveux! See how it wraps around the hair perfectly?
Lilly: Oh my goodness! Hahahahahaha!!! I can’t believe – Oh my! Ahahahahaha!!!
Sam: What are you laughing at Sawako Lilly?
Lilly: I’m sorry everyone but you all look so funny! Let me show you, these things are called “underwear” and they are a piece of clothing you put on your bottom half, like pants, but much shorter. See?
Sam: Are you quite certain Sawako Lilly? I must admit, I find that the most difficult to believe of all.
Lilly: Really truly! Big People wear them at all times. Well, most of them anyway. It’s unseemly for them to ever be without.
Cecile: Mais that look so uncomfortable! What purpose do they serve there?
Lydia: Really, I don’t see the point. If it’s worn that way, no one can even see them.
Lilly: Well actually Big People guard the secrecy of their underwear most intently. Even though everyone wears them, it’s still frowned upon to let others see your underwear. So much that it’s nearly unmentionable! As for what their purpose is, it’s hard to say.
Lissie: Now look here Lilly, they must do something! Nobody is that ridiculous to waste so much effort wearing and hiding something that has no purpose, not even Big People.
Lilly: I suppose it must be for sanitary purposes. The make up of Big People stuffing is very different from ours so they use it to help keep their clothes clean from their stuffing stuff.
MG: Ahhhh, I see. I never realized Big People are so different from us.
Sam: Ohhhhhh, this feels so uncomfortable!
Lissie: Leave it up to Big People to be complicated and difficult. General Washington disapproves!
Cecile: C’est ridicule! It looks much better on the head than the bottom!
MG: What a waste of design to keep it hidden under all your other clothes. I do not like this at all!
Lydia: Perhaps Big People do this as a form of penance? For what I can't really say though... I cannot imagine anyone behaving bad enough to warrant this punishment.
Lissie: No wonder why they need so much chocolate if they’re constantly living in such pain. I say we start a charity fund to support our Big Person. Poor thing… and I thought medical school was difficult! This must be the real reason for her anguished cries in the middle of the night.
Lilly: Hahahaha! Well, we can’t be too hard on them. After all Big People do the strangest things. They can’t help it, they simply don’t have the right stuff.
*Note: Big People anguished cries are due to attempting all nighters to study for things that don’t make much sense, not due to unmentionables.*
^_~ Teehee! I apologize for those who may be offended by the subject. It was not my intention at all. I only mean to poke fun at my lazy dolly dressing habits. I noticed recently that none of my dolls ever wore their underthings, historical or modern, mainly because I can never be bothered with putting them on. :D Hence why none of my girls know what this strange unmentionable is. Ironically, the historical underthings are some of my favorite parts of AG outfits. I love the attention to detail, and the accuracy of them, and I would be very disappointed if AG stopped making them. ^_^
I had a lot of fun thinking of different uses for basic underwear, which was a nice break from thinking about liver problems like hepatitis, jaundice, cirrhosis, etc. in class. (Why can’t my exam be over how to utilize this versatile piece of fabric?) Some ideas that came up but weren’t used: lasso, dog leash, slingshot, couple’s coaster, pot sling (slip the two handles of a pot through the 2 small holes), and more! I picked the ones featured based off of which ones would make an amusing image that wouldn't need too many props and matched the characters. Thank you for reading! :)
Bonus Questions for the Reader:
What else can you use unmentionables for?
What Big People things do your dolls think are weird and make no sense?